My Body Valentine

OUR body is an essential part of us, so why do so many of us have a negative relationship with it? It’s time to show them the love and respect they deserve.

When it comes to our bodies, so many of us have a loathe/hate relationship. Rather than embracing our differences, and appreciating ourselves for what we are, we tend to hold ourselves up to unattainable ideals, and find ourselves wanting.

A negative body image is undeniably linked to poor self-esteem, but why do so many of us have such a poor sense of ourselves?

Dr Elizabeth Reid Boyd is co-author with Dr Abigail Bray of Body Talk: A Power Guide For Girls (Hachette Livre), and she says that women’s bodies are being scrutinised more than ever these days.

“We’re constantly being told we’re too fat or too skinny,” she says. And the loudest voice is our own. “There’s a fine line between vanity and self-love.

“When we’re growing up, we’re told not to be too vain and to stop looking in the mirror, which can conflict with the idea of self-love. What’s wrong with being a little vain?” says Dr Reid Boyd.

According to psychologist Dr Vivienne Lewis, from the University of Canberra, it’s not just women who suffer the delusions that their bodies aren’t good enough; men suffer from body anxiety too.

“Men have always had issues with the way they look, they’re just becoming more vocal about it now,” she says.

While the current ideal female form is slim with the right kind of curves, for men it’s slim, muscular and hairless.

But how attainable are these shapes? And who are we comparing ourselves with?

Dr Lewis confirms that we often compare ourselves to celebrities or friends, but says we need to acknowledge what’s positive about our own bodies.

“It’s easier to put ourselves down and think about what we don’t like than praise what we do.”

She says she often advises her clients to treat their bodies as they would their best friends. “Be kind to your body, say nice things to it and treat it well.

Dress in clothes you like and exercise because you enjoy it – not to burn calories.”

Think about what you’re comparing yourself with. As a journalist, I’ve been on plenty of shoots where I’ve seen hundreds of photos taken – with only a few “perfect shots” coming out at the end of the day.

And that’s with professional models who know how to pose, hair and make-up artists touching up any imperfections, and a photographer who knows how to make someone look amazing.

Ask any model or actor, and they’ll tell you they don’t look as good as themselves in a photograph
– and that’s before the images are touched up, with any lines, spots or excess body fat removed by an artist’s airbrush.

Cindy Crawford said it best when she admitted, “Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford”.

Anti-diet advocate Kate Winslet spoke out in outrage after her body was digitally slimmed and lengthened for the cover of UK men’s magazine, GQ.

After which GQ’s editor Dylan Jones admitted, “Almost no picture that appears in GQ… has not been digitally altered in some way”. So not only are we comparing ourselves to genetically blessed beings, they’re digitally adjusted as well.

According to the Better Health Channel (www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au), 45 per cent of women and 23 per cent of men in the healthy weight range think they’re overweight.

And a horrifying 20 per cent of women who are actually underweight are dieting because they think they need to lose weight. Is it any wonder that, according to a 2007 Mission Australia survey, one in three young people rate body image as their number one concern?

Love your body

Mark October 15 on your calendar as Love Your Body Day and spend every day up to and including it doing something to show your body that you love it.

Treating your body means giving it enough rest, good food and exercise. Pamper yourself every day by doing a little exercise, feeding yourself good, healthy food and getting a good night’s sleep.

Go to the mirror right now and look at yourself honestly, not critically.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone else, just appreciate yourself. Remember, in the words of Groove Armada, “If everybody looked the same, we’d get tired of looking at each other”.

Step back a bit too, so you can see yourself the way others see you, not from centimetres away. Smile, and say to yourself, “I look like me, I look fantastic”.

How often do you put off buying new clothes, waiting until you lose weight or get more toned to treat yourself?

Well, get thee to the shops, as dressing in a flattering and fashion-forward way can really help boost your self-esteem and help you see yourself for the glorious creature you truly are.

Most of us have no real idea of how to dress to suit ourselves, so get yourself a copy of Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine’s The Body Shape Bible (Hachette Livre) and work out how to highlight your best features and flatter all your other bits.

Personal stylist and director of The Beauty Tutor, Sarah Donges, says that when you’re well-dressed, “confidence radiates into all other areas of your life: your work, your relationships.

If you dress in the right clothes, you can feel good every single day in what you’re wearing. When they dress well, people start standing taller and feeling good.”

Look at real bodies. “Step out of your time zone,” says Dr Reid Boyd.

“Flick through some art history books and see the real shapes and how women dressed over the centuries.”

Find your own style, don’t slavishly follow fashion for the sake of it, adds Donges. If this season’s peasant tops make you look like you’re ready to give birth any second, update your look with accessories and shoes.

Make up a list of your body’s positive attributes – and if you’re having trouble, ask your partner or friend for help.

Don’t use negative phrases, use strong ones: “I have strong arms that help me lift my baby” or “I have a great smile that makes people feel good”. Accept compliments graciously and file them away for future self-use.

Try the one-for-three rule. Whenever you have a negative thought about your body, immediately replace it with three positive thoughts. Make a vow to banish negative self-talk – would you let someone else say the things to you that you say about yourself?

Don’t exercise to lose weight, but to be fitter, healthier and stronger.

Research from the United States found that women who participate in sports and other forms of physical activity have a more positive body image than those who don’t. So find something you love and see what your body’s capable of when you really push it.

This Valentine’s Day, show your love for your one, true friend – your body.

Celebrities share their secrets for loving the skin you’re in

“When I was a kid I sought beauty in perfection. As I got older I began to value the imperfect – for it is there that the unique, the authentic, is manifest. It is there that we see that which makes an individual unique. I am moved by anything that reminds me of the vulnerability of life, and the courage it takes to live.” – Susan Sarandon  (actress)

“When I turned fifty, I decided my life motto would be ‘more fun!’ I have had a much younger boyfriend for the past four years – that helps!” – Lorraine Bracco (actress)

“I have friends in their sixties and seventies whom I consider absolutely beautiful – not because they look young, but because they have maintained their character. They haven’t given in to plastic surgery and the idea that you have to fit a certain aesthetic to be beautiful.” – Vera Wang (designer)

”My main beauty secret is that I live in the countryside: good clean air and organic food is the first rule of a successful beauty regime.” – Jade Jagger (designer)

“I sleep a lot, drink lots of water, avoid alcohol and cigarettes, eat healthily and do plenty of exercise. It’s all remarkably boring, but it’s all true. If you just live the perfect life for one week you feel – and see – the benefits immediately.” – Cindy Crawford, (model)

View Source