How you can help a loved one lose weight

Charles Platkin, the founder of DietDetective.com and nutrition and public health advocate, provides support to those that are worried about the health of a loved one.

You have wanted to tell someone who you care about that you are worried about the amount of weight they have gained. There are millions of people who care about their relatives or significant others and don’t want to see them at increased risk for diabetes, cardiovascular disease, hypertension, sleep apnea or any of the many other problems related to being overweight. What should you do?

“Telling your partner that he or she is overweight could be a big help.”

A study done at the University of Colorado Health Science Center and reported in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition indicates that for most weight-loss maintainers, success was preceded by a “trigger event or critical incident.” This could be something as simple as a comment from you that acts as a wake-up call.

“This conversation can spark a wide range of reactions, anything from crying to withholding affection to walking out the door,” says Gerard J. Musante. But will it harm a relationship permanently? Not if it’s done right, Musante says.

Here are some tips to help you save your partner’s life while keeping your relationship intact.

Don’t be judgmental.
Frame it in a positive way. Don’t make it just about his or her appearance. “This is a sensitive issue that can result in a defensive reaction if your partner feels he or she is not loved or no longer attractive to you,” says Alan Delamater, a psychology professor at the University of Miami.

“It’s important to pick a time when you and your partner can fully focus on the conversation,” says psychologist Jennifer L. Hartstein of New York. “Express how much you care about him/her and how important he/she is in your life. Then you want to express your concerns and highlight the fact that weight loss is an important part of your concern. You may want to validate how difficult changing can be and offer to be a primary source of support,” Discuss how to start the process, keeping in mind that this could be rough and you might not get a very good response the first time. Stay focused on your ultimate goal — to have a healthier partner.

Coming clean – Be clear about your motivation.
Why would you like your loved one to lose weight? Are you truly concerned about his or her health? Do you want to rekindle the romance in your life?

“Your own ‘selfish motivations’ cannot be overlooked,” Hartstein explains. Delamater says: “There are many dimensions to the relationship, and it’s OK to talk about the physical dimension, and how physical appearance may affect how attracted you feel toward your partner. The key is to do this from a position of love and respect.”
However, some experts think that you need to find a reason other than appearance for this discussion to go well. “Ask yourself if this issue is about weight or deeper issues related to feelings of intimacy and connection,” Florida-based family therapist Linda Miles says.
Are you an enabler?
Do you bring home unhealthy food as a reward for you partner? Are you a food pusher, telling your partner that “it’s OK this one time” because it’s a holiday or a party? Often, we facilitate our partners’ unhealthy behaviours because we want to see them happy.
Stop doing that. Become part of the solution, not the problem.

What about your behaviour?
“How could you possibly be telling me I need to ‘lose a few’ when your life is complete chaos?” What are your habits? Do you need to lose weight, too?
Lead by example. Maybe you can simply start living a “clean and healthy” life yourself, without saying a word. “Leading by example is a powerful teacher. When one person in the family breaks away from old patterns, there can be a domino effect. In families, what you do can have far greater impact than what you say,” Miles says.

Work together
“It is very important to remember that one person’s achieving weight-loss success might take a team effort,” Musante clarifies. Studies have shown that a solid family and social network can positively influence your health.
“If you want your partner to adopt more healthy habits, arrange activities together, such as walking, riding bikes, playing tennis, etc.,” Delamater says. You also can shop for food together, take healthy cooking classes, create healthy snack ideas, share recipes.

Have a plan
Make it specific, clear, possible (a program everyone can adhere to) and formal (write it down). “Make sure that the plan is one for which your partner has taken responsibility, rather than one that is essentially yours and to which he or she has simply agreed. It’s critical that the overweight partner be motivated to achieve his or her own self-generated goals,” proposes Delamater.

Don’t be controlling
You don’t want to police every move your partner makes. That will only create problems. Your loved one needs to do this for themselves. “It’s easy to fall into the watchdog role, but that can “backfire and breed resentment,” Hartstein says. “It could create such difficulties that your best efforts are thwarted because your partner does the exact opposite of what was agreed upon in an effort to regain some control. When you feel that you are engaged in some sort of struggle, sit down and talk about it.”

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**Disclaimer** – We here at 100% People are not health care professionals. We have researched issues such as the one featured in the above article in detail to bring you the best of the information available to us at the time of print. We can not be held responsible for the health of our readers and would always urge someone to contact their G.P or a qualified specialist before making any change to their diet or lifestyle.