Love in its Entirety

Happy Valentines Day. Love stinks!

It has stunk bad since my first boyfriend Lee. I was 7 years old and at primary school, and he was meeeeeean! Okay, he didn’t know that he was my boyfriend, but that’s besides the point, he was still mean, and his mean behaviour was uncalled for and the start of my stinking love career.

Even at 7 years of age, the girls in my class all hoiked up their skirts at breaktime ready for the daily round of kisschase. (Yes we were just 7 years old, and yes- it was a rough school!) Anyway, Lee my boyfriend even-though-he-didnt–know-it was a sloooow runner. He just couldn’t seem to catch me when I ran about during kiss chase. Even though I knew then that he would  never make the Olympics, I still loved him, though some girls less loyal than me would have turned their backs, I was faithful and loyal to my Lee.

One day, in order to help him out and make him not feel so bad about his slow running,  I deliberately dawdled instead of sprinting bringing the pace right down to help him out and give him the chance to finally be victorious and catch and kiss me. I had to go real slow. Lee still didn’t kiss me, instead he passed  me and caught  someone else. ‘Bad eyesight too’ I thought. Bless him!

Love also stunk when my boyfriend of 3 months Maff (I was 16 and him 22- how cool!), dumped me in an ‘its not you its me’ style because he wasn’t ready for a serious girlfriend, and he was ‘falling for me’ and it ‘scared him’. I was devastated but understood, and told all of my friends not to hate him, I had heard that this could happen sometimes with really sensitive blokes. It took me 5 months to get over him, – longer than the amount of time I’d known him (you do the maths, it sucks!). Meanwhile Maff, who couldn’t commit got himself a new bird within a week- who he went on to marry three years later!

Love stunk the place out when I plucked up the courage to chat up a lad at my local pub and he gave me his number- to give to my best mate.

And love most definitely stunk when I went on holiday to Newquay with the girls, taking a weeks worth of amazing outfits even though I was only there for the weekend. In preparation I’d had everything except my head waxed, dyed my hair blonde and had my hands ab-normalised with extra long acrylic nails, and yet everyone pulled except for me! It seemed that there was not a single soul- drunk or sober, in the whole of Newquay that fancied me that weekend!!!

I’m not saying that nobody has EVER fancied me, its just that on the whole, it  seems that when somebody does fancy me they only have 1 tooth, or a head shaped like an egg, or they look like sloth out of ‘The Goonies’? Don’t get me wrong- when I’m old and wrinkled I’ll be grateful if I have a spouse who has any of his own teeth, it’s just that while i’m in my thirties I really like my men to have a full set. (If at all possible please please please.)

So- considering that love- (the romantic kind at least)- stinks,  and the fact that I’m single…this Valentines Day I’ll be celebrating a different kind of love.

I’ll be sending cards to my bestest friends to tell them how much they mean to me. I’ll send some flowers to my Mum, I’ll buy some chocolates for my Nan, and maybe even weed the garden for my Grandpa (if its not raining). I may even stretch to giving my brother a hug, although he’ll probably punch me for the pleasure!

Hmmmm… it seems love ain’t so stinky after all! Happy Valentines Day to you all. xxx